It has been a while since I wrote about mental health. But it is such an important topic, and I don’t want to ever neglect to discuss the reality of it with my children. Recently, some of my dearest family and friends have really been struggling with depression and anxious thoughts.
So, I wanted to share a little of my personal experience, and give what I hope is a word of encouragement.
Depression and anxiety don’t always go hand in hand, but I am going to speak to them both. I have found there are millions of reasons someone might be struggling with depression. Sometimes, it is internal thoughts/feelings, often not identified and dealt with. Thoughts or feelings of inadequacy, failure, unworthiness, guilt, shame, or a sense of just feeling overwhelmed with life. Sometimes, our depression is actually caused by a physical ailment, hormone imbalance, auto-immune disorders, childhood illnesses, vaccine side affects, cold/flues, and other viruses, allergies, etc. Sometimes our depression is pure sadness about the state of our world and environment. A deep sense of empathy for the broken and lost in the world.
I am certain I have not touched on all the causes of depression, but I hope that the list shows that, there are many, many reasons to be depressed and/or anxious, and that everyone experiences some form of mental unwellness at times. We all have our inner sadness, we all feel a sense of unwholeness at times. This is what truly makes us human.
I personally have had some serious bouts of depression in various times in my life. Times when it physically hurt to get out of bed and face another day. Times when I just wanted to run from my own life. Times when I desperately begged God to come save me from myself.
( I have never tried to take my life, or to do harm to myself or others. I have never considered doing anything to end my life. I want to be clear about that, because so many people do have such thoughts and even have uncontrollable thoughts of suicide constantly. If you are someone who struggles with suicide, I pray that you can find the root cause, and seek professional help. This is a serious issue, and I am not qualified to speak to it.)
In my experience with depression, I have found a few things that help.
Stay close to God. When I feel overwhelmed, anxious, a deep sadness, no matter the root cause, maintaining a close relationship with my Creator and Redeemer, has always brought me through. I can honestly say, that it isn’t a magic solution. I don’t just stop being depressed after praying and talking to God. But, I do know I am not alone, and I will get through the low times. I have made it a habit to talk to God first thing every day, and to read my Bible daily. This habit has truly gotten me through some really tough depressions.
Have people you trust that you can talk to about your mental health, and who will be honest with you. I began having hormone imbalance depression at the age of 10. My mother took me to several doctors, and the number one recommendation was for me to take birth control pills to fix me. Praise God, that my mother chose instead to listen to me, and do her own research, and to help me manage my depression with diet, exercise, and other activities like, choir, church, and good sleep habits. I still trust my parents when they come to me and tell me I need to get some help because they see I am not at my best mentally. I, also, trust my husband, even when I don’t see myself clearly, I know he can see what I don’t. Find people you can share life with, and be completely real with, and trust them when they tell you that you are NOT in a good place, and need help.
Learn to identify your weak areas, and “triggers.” I have found that I have certain times in a year that I struggle more. I also, know that I can take on too much and stress myself out. Being around others who also struggle with depression can be a huge trigger for me. People that grumble and complain, and cause me to fall into that habit too.
Be disciplined and create a place of peace. If my home is a mess, everyone in it seems to become a mess too. It is my job to keep order and cleanliness in my home, and to create a place of peace for myself and everyone who enters my home. I have to guard my home from chaos and stress. For me, a clean kitchen is very important. I make it a priority to clean up my kitchen all the way at least once a day. Making my bed, even if my room is still a little messy and cluttered, while create a sense of peace, so when I go to bed, I can relax. Dealing with clutter before it get’s out of control makes a big difference too.
Be patient with yourself and take baby steps. No matter what the root cause is of your depression, it most-likely isn’t going to go away overnight. It may take a lot of little baby steps day after day to get to where you want to go. If your struggling to get out of bed and be productive. Then set your alarm for a reasonable time, and make your goal to get up, take a shower, go outside, and do one task to make your home a little more peaceful. Do that for as many days as it takes to succeed at it. Then add a new task to your day, until you find you are moving forward. It is ok, to be sad, and productive. It is ok to fake it til you make it.
Help someone else. I have found that when I help someone else, I am less focused on myself. Sometimes just getting beyond myself, helps me move out of the darkness of depression.
Get professional help. It is ok, to admit you are NOT ok. Finding someone who can help you is important. I would always suggest seeing your personal doctor first. Sometimes depression and anxiety is a symptom of an undiagnosed illness or condition. A good doctor can be hard to find, so if you don’t think your medical care provider is listening to you, keep looking. It is worth the time, effort, and money. I promise. Second, consider therapy or counsel from a licensed therapist or trained clergy. In my experience, finding a good therapist or counselor is difficult, because we are all unique and have unique needs. The person who works for me, may not work for you. Other professionals that may improve your mental health include, but are not limited to, massage therapist, chiropractor, cosmetologist, pastor, etc.
In my life, I have found that often the root of my deepest depressions have been not communicating with someone. I often don’t realize that I feel inadequate in a relationship or situation, and instead of communicating with the proper person, I internalized those feelings. Another, thing that has caused me to feel depressed is not wanting to have conflict, and avoiding tough conversations, until they have eaten away at me. The most important thing in life is relationships. Our relationship with God, and people, can be the most rewarding thing in life, but they require work, and sometimes conflict. Avoiding tough conversations, and conflict, will always lead to loss. So, my final piece of advice is if you are struggling with depression, ask yourself what is at the root of this depression, and how can I resolve it.
Don’t accept depression and anxiety as a way of life, instead make a plan to fight against it, and for your mental well being. You are worth the effort, so go for it.
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