Being a Good Wife, One Day at a Time (Marriage 101)Family journey . Katie . Marriage 101 . Popular Posts
I am so blessed to have two married daughters now. I look forward to the days when even more of my children are married and starting their own families. Now that my children are becoming adults and making their own way in the world, I have so many encouraging words I want to share with them. When I was first married, especially after having our first child, I felt very alone, and unsure often. I had given up so much to have this dream life of being a stay at home wife and mother. It was everything I had hoped, and yet it was so hard. I had to learn to manage my time on my own, my days were long and lonely. I looked forward to my husband coming home at the end of work, and most days he would just be so tired, he had no desire to talk or do things together. I loved my life, and yet, I felt guilty because I also hated it. Looking back, I would have had a much easier time if someone would have encouraged me, asked me how I was doing, and shared with me about their early years of marriage.
I think as a mom, we don’t always know where the line is when our children become adults. We want to give them room to find their own way, to make their own choices, and be their own person. We pray for our children, and we trust Yehovah with them, but we aren’t sure how involved we are to be in their lives. I have seen parents who really struggle to cut the ties of responsibility. They constantly have an opinion, advice, and sadly criticism of the choices their adult children are making. I do NOT want to be that parent. But, I also have seen parents who are so hands off, that their children have no idea if they even care. I want to be the parent in the middle.
I want to make sure my children know I am hear for them always. I want to support their goals and dreams. My hope is that I raised them in a safe and secure home as a child, and gave them the instructions I believe are necessary for a successful life while they were young. So now, they as an adult will take the tools and instructions that I gave them as a child and will apply it to their own life. Most of all, as an adult, I want to become my child’s trusted friend. I hope that I have built up trust in our relationship through the years of their childhood, that they want to come to me for counsel and companionship. My hope is that they realize, I think they are one of the coolest, most exciting people I know, and I want to share my daily life with them.
So, now many of my children have reached that adult phase of life. They are young in their twenties and just starting to navigate the deep waters of the ocean of humanity. I am super excited that my two married daughters have found men that love the Lord with all their hearts, soul, mind, and strength. These young men are not perfect, but they are indeed wise beyond their years, because they have found the secret to a successful life. They have discovered that all the answers to life are found in the Word of God. As a parent, there is no greater joy than knowing your children are determined to have a strong relationship with the Creator and Redeemer of all mankind. As a mom, I know that with this foundational relationship with God, I do not have to worry about the little things in life for my children.
That being said, the little things in life can be overwhelming at times. As a new wife and mom, I would have loved for someone to help me know how to be a good, supportive wife. I would have loved for someone to give me some encouraging words when my child’s behavior wasn’t easy to deal with. Sadly, in the early years of parenting, I did a lot of things wrong. A few people did give me unsolicited advice, and all I heard was judgement and criticism, and I felt I was doing everything all wrong. I sadly, took some of the advice given, and it wasn’t the soundest of advice. Instead, of building a home of peace, safety, and security for my husband and children, I often was unpredictable as a mom and wife. I am sure all the advice I received was given in love, I don’t think people were trying to make my life more confusing. But listening to so many voices, I just became more and more overwhelmed with my life. I remember one day when my older children where very little, thinking I could just get in my car, and drive away, and that would make everyone’s life better.
The truth was I was a decent mom and wife, in fact, I am pretty certain I was doing a pretty good job. But very few people told me I was doing a good job, in fact, I think only my mother had any encouraging words for me. But, like me, I think my mom, didn’t want to overstep. She would offer advice only when I asked, and she would not say too much about my marriage or parenting otherwise.
The Bible tells us a man will leave his father and mother and join with his wife. I was pondering this verse last night, and wondered is there anything in the Bible about the relationship a married woman has with her parents. Here is some passages I found about parents and adult children.
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
Has not the LORD made them one, having a portion of the Spirit? And why one? Because He seeks godly offspring. Therefore guard yourselves in your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
Wow, that last one hit me hard. But, I kept looking for more scripture on relationships with parents and adult children. Of course ,there is the commandment that we are to honor our parents. I think this is a life long commandment. I also, thought about the proverb that says, if we raise up our child in the way he should go, when he is old he will not go astray from it. But, what I really wondered was what is my role as a mom towards my now adult children.
3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
I am pretty certain as a mom to adult children this is my most important role. First, I am to be humble daily, not to gossip, not to be a drunk, to teach their my children what is good, God’s Word. I must first live a Godly example before my children. Then, I am to urge my daughter to love her husband and children. I am pretty certain this requires words, I can’t think of any way to urge someone with out speaking actual words of encouragement. I am to remind my daughters to be self controlled and to have pure motives in their relationships. I am supposed to remind my daughters to be busy AT HOME, to be kind, and to submit their will to God, by submitting to their husband. The goal in all this is to bring Glory to God, and to prove that God’s Word is true.
Isn’t that amazing? When we do these things, we prove God’s Word to be True!!!
So this is a note to my daughters on ten plus one bonus things you can do daily to be a good wife and mother.
Be humble!! Remember your relationship with your Creator and Redeemer first.
Don’t grumble, complain, or gossip. If you don’t have something nice to say, then don’t say it.
Have self control in food and drink. Don’t have excessive behavior. Run to God not food or alcohol.
Teach your children the Bible everyday. Be intentional about teaching them God’s Word.
Love your Husband. Think about his needs, his worries, and take care of him.
Love your children. Think about their needs, and take care of them.
Don’t lose your temper. If you can’t be self controlled, then it is time for a time out.
Check your motives. If your motives are selfish and not pure, then it is time for some prayer and repentance.
Be busy at home. Again make a plan to use your day wisely, make a schedule, have things to do that benefit your family and others. Don’t get distracted by television, books, news, social media, etc.
Be kind. Be nice. There is NO Excuse for bad behavior.
Lastly, Trust Yehovah. When you trust Yehovah, then you can trust your husband.
When I was a young married mom, I thought I was keeping my eyes on Yeshua, but often I was comparing myself and my life to others. I often was worried I wasn’t good enough, and failing. I blamed my husband when things were not as I thought they should be. I made excuses for my behavior, and I forgot what my number one job as a wife is. I was created to help my husband. Not lead him. Not control him. Not to use him. He wasn’t created to be my slave or to meet my every need, either. He was created to serve God. I was created to help him do that.
Daughters, love your husbands and children, and trust God.
Written by Katie
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We are Bible believing, scripture only people. We love to learn about the Hebrew roots of our faith. We believe it is important to not add or subtract from the Divine Word of God. The compiled scriptures that agree with one another and have no contradiction is the 66 books of what is commonly referred to as the Christian Bible, or the Holy Bible.
These writings were originally written by men inspired by God. They were written in the language of the writers and readers of the original documents. Many of the original documents have been lost, but God’s Word is eternal and remains. Therefore, it is important to us to study, learn, and consider the culture, history, and language of the original writers of the scriptures.
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