Who is in Charge in a Biblical Home, Church, Business? Man or Woman?

Recently, on social media there have been people sharing an image of umbrellas without Bible verses that represent a Biblical model of marriage.  (I will include image below.)  There are some sharing the image and saying, “yes, yes, this is Biblical marriage,” and there are others saying, “no, no, this is cultic teaching.”

Controversial Image

Below is another image that has circulated that includes Bible verses on the topic of marriage.  I encourage everyone to take the time and read these passages and any others they can find in their Bible and determine what is true.

I have been pondering this topic and the role of women in leadership since I was a teenager.  I am a very strong, independent woman.  I have been blessed with administrative skills, and I enjoy planning, organizing, and delegating to get a task completed, whether it is a large or small task.  I can plan a party for hundreds of people, or facilitate a discussion of a few people.  I enjoy doing these types of tasks.  Yet, sometimes, it can be perceived by others that I am the decision maker and person in charge, when usually I am actually not at all.

In our home, my husband is a quiet man, he doesn’t feel the need to speak unless there is something to speak about.  He doesn’t care for needless discussions, or empty talk.  He doesn’t like to repeat himself.  As his wife, that means I need to pay attention when he speaks, and know what he expects of me as his help-mate, his companion, and his partner in parenting.  I also need to ask good questions of him, to be sure I truly understand the way he wants our home to be run and how he wants us to train up our children.  Lastly, I need to be aware of his needs, and desires as a man,  my husband.

But, day to day, if you came to our home you would see me teaching the children, guiding the children, caring for the home, the property, the needs of our family.  I will make decisions on how to spend the money, and what our daily school materials include, and decisions on what animals to buy, and what food to buy for the animals and our home.  I will make these decisions based on the knowledge I have of my husband’s goals, dreams, hopes, and plans for our life together as husband and wife, as father and mother of our children.  He trusts me, and I honor him with that trust.

Often, young couples or couples in a tough marriage have asked us, but how does it really work.

“What does a Biblical Marriage look like?”

I have a job as the office administrator for our state homeschool organization.  It is a large organization with thousands of members.  Most weeks, I supervise myself, make decisions, and self manage my time and work for the organization.  I work with a few other women who also make major decisions and delegate major tasks within the organization.  These decisions are costly, and critical for our mission to serve the Michigan homeschool community well.  How do we make these decisions day after day, and hold meetings and make arrangements to hold conferences, retreats, and provide other resources to the people of Michigan without contacting the executive board each step of the way, and know that we are in line with their vision, goals, and purpose?

The answer is we meet with the board twice a year, and we listen to them and their goals and vision for the organization, and we ask questions, and verify their desire.  The executive board, like a father in a home, gives us the direction and vision that they receive from the Holy Spirit, through Scripture and prayer.  We the working board, like a mother, take the teaching, guidance, vision, and purpose from that executive board and put feet to it.  We get to work making a plan, and delegating responsibilities, we build a team for each large event and we supervise the team.  We hold weekly, and monthly meetings with the teams.  The executive board places their trust in us, and knows that if we need to verify something, or if we have a issue or conflict, we can come to them.  There are times, we find ourselves in a sticky situation, and we need to go to the executive board and get them involved.  Maybe, we need them to actually step into a situation and handle it. We can count on them to do that.  Just like a wife and children can count on the husband/father.  There are also times when we make a decision or plan, and a member of the executive board comes to us, and says, “I do not think you realize this is not in line with our purpose or vision, or this is not Biblical.”  The executive board members do not work with the team day in and day out, but we keep them informed of what is going on, and they reach out to us as needed to make sure we are all still on the same page.

In my marriage, my husband and I, try and get time twice a year to just be alone to discuss who we are as a family, our goals, dreams, vision, and purpose in Christ.  This grounds us in our unified vision, and helps us trust each other.  Like a well run organization,  my husband whom God, has placed as head of our home, shares his vision and then listens to my thoughts, ideas, and desires.  He takes these into consideration, and we discuss how we will make our vision a reality.  He listens to me, and I trust him.  There are times when I share a desire, or idea, and my husband says, no, it is not Biblical, or no, it is not going to work, or no, he doesn’t like it.  In these moments, I am left with the choice to do it anyway, and not be in alignment with my husband, and to not truly trust his authority given to him by God, or I can submit my will/desire in this moment, and surrender my vision to God.  If I truly believe that this idea or plan is given by God, then I can trust God to reveal this truth to my husband.

When I am at work with the team that executes the vision of our organization, and we as a team decide to change the way we do things without consulting the board, chaos and confusion will set in.  This is true in a home, as a wife/mother, I should not make a major change in our home without first discussing it with my husband.  It isn’t because my husband doesn’t trust me, or that I am incapable of making decisions.  It is because it will cause confusion and chaos.

There were a couple years that our organization was struggling to achieve our goals like we wanted.  Circumstances out of our control had affect they way we could do things, and we were floundering a little.  These circumstances in the world, also affected the board members lives, and it was difficult to communicate and evaluate where we should go from here.  Things began to get difficult and there could have been a collapse of the organization.  But, the changing factor that brought the whole team back around and made all the difference was the leadership.  The President and vice-president pulled the team back to the vision and purpose at our annual leadership conference. They took us all, men and women in leadership, and reminded us of the goal, and set for us new goals and asked us questions, and listened to us, and supported us, and pushed us up to do the work set before us.

The key to a strong marriage is communication.  If your husband has become to busy to take the time to lead in the way you want him to lead, than lovingly make a plan to take him to dinner, or make a date night after the kids are in bed.  Take the initiative to ask him, “what is you goals for our marriage, what is your vision for your life, how do you want me to support you, what is your vision for our children and how should I teach them, etc.?  If you already know your husband’s goals and vision, then take time to share your thoughts, dreams, and desires with him too.  As a wife, we can help our husband be a great leader by just scheduling times to connect with him, and by speaking his vision to your children, by reminding him of his own words, and by pointing out to him how you are working that vision.

The truth is the Bible does give us a model for marriage, so choose your spouse wisely, and remember that ultimately we place our trust in Yehovah.  When we place our trust in God, He can be trusted.

Shalom

Written by Katie